Family Mummy
by Ohfortheloveofpete
Summary: The first movie of the Mummy Trilogy...as told by Peter Griffin
1. Chapter 1: Regal Backstabbing

_Today we're going to be doing a parody of the Mummy featuring Family Guy characters. You can try to guess which characters are going to be portrayed by which Family Guy characters but some of them might surprise you..._

 _I hope you enjoy this story. I'll do Return Of The Mummy if this gets favorable reviews. Of course since this is the first chapter I probably won't be receiving many reviews yet. Still, I figured I would be optimistic when it comes to writing stories. There's no point in being a pessimist or my stories will degrade as a result._

 **Chapter 1: Regal Backstabbing**

At his house, Peter Griffin was sitting on a chair, holding out a VHS copy of The Mummy. Outside, it was night.

"Hello everyone. Chris wanted me to help me with his history homework. But since I'm not so good at history myself I decided to tell him a story based on one of the movies I like to watch. What's that? You want me to tell you the story? Alright then. Sit back and have a seat." said Peter Griffin.

 _In the city of Thebes, 1290 BC..._

Unsurprisingly, it was a warm sunny day in Egypt. People throughout Thebes could feel the hot desert sun.

Luckily, they were in possession of water.

Thebes. City of the living. Crown jewel of Pharaoh Seti (Joe Swanson) the first.

"Yee-hah!" exclaimed Pharaoh Seti, who was riding a chariot.

Home of Imhotep (Glenn Quagmire), High Priest Of Osiris, Keeper of the Dead.

Personally he wished that his job was keeper of women.

Still, being the high priest was a pretty big honor. Though to be honest, people thought that he was going to commit sacrilege someday...or at least blasphemy.

"Giggity giggity giggity!" exclaimed Imhotep pervertedly. He was hoping that he would get lucky tonight.

He was hoping to score with the ladies...as usual.

Despite his bald head, people thought he was sexy.

At least, his fellow priests told him he was sexy.

He wondered if they really thought so or they were trying to kiss his butt.

But either way, they seemed to be completely loyal to him.

Birthplace of Anck Su Numan (Bonnie Swanson), Pharaoh's Mistress. Other men were prohibited from touching her...as well as lesbians.

Personally, Anck Su Numan thought that her husband thought of her as little more than a trophy. She wanted somebody that would truly love her.

Fortunately, he found that someone in the form of Imhotep. Imhotep was rather lustful himself...but he at least seemed to see her a person. Why couldn't she be married to him instead?

Since Imhotep was a pervert, he decided that he would make love with Anck Su Numan and disregard everything that the pharaoh had told everyone NOT to do. He just couldn't resist an opportunity to get the girl. He had met several concubines in the past, but he decided why not go for someone who was royalty?

Besides, he felt like he could date this woman for more than just her body...though she did have a nice body, he could say that much.

Sure, Anck Su Numan was already married, but who said that he needed to find out about their affair? Besides, considering how immodestly dressed she was, it would be a waste to pass up such an opportunity.

Of course, if the pharaoh found out, he would probably be executed...but as we said, he couldn't resist the opportunity. Anck Su Numan was simply TOO sexy. No wonder the pharaoh wanted her as his mistress.

Fortunately, she agreed to meet with him in secret.

They did so one night that would change the history of Egypt forever.

And ironically, it was cold in the desert at night.

"Giggity!" shouted Imhotep, touching Anck Su Numan's breast with glee.

Unfortunately for him, the pharaoh suspected the mistress was cheating on him. Every now and then he noticed that she had kiss marks on her face...and they didn't match his lips.

He decided to enter her chambers to see what was going on. Was his mistress unfaithful?

For a moment, it seemed like everything was normal. He didn't see any sign of anyone else in the room.

Luckily, Imhotep had kept himself hidden, though he couldn't help but whisper Giggity every now and then.

The pharoah wondered if he was hearing voices.

However, his eyes widened when he noticed that his mistress's body paint had been smeared. Apparently, she had been touching herself...or had she?

"Who touched you? Was it that perverted high priest?" inquired Pharaoh Seti. He seemed like should be the prime suspect.

Considering it hardly ever rained in Egypt, he figured that his mistress hadn't been drenched.

Anck Su Numan nodded. It was THAT perverted high priest. At this point she was willing to confess to her adultery.

The pharaoh sighed. He should have known. Imhotep was as lustful as heck.

"I'm going to kill him for this later!" exclaimed Seti. Fortunately, he happened to have a pretty talented executioner.

"He can't kill me if I kill him first." thought Imhotep.

At that very moment, Imhotep approached him with a sword.

"Imhotep, what are you doing? Put down that sword!" ordered Pharaoh Seti.

Anck Su Numan then proceeded to stab the pharoah in the spine.

He screamed in pain and in horror.

His legs suddenly went numb.

"Aah! My spine! I can't feel my legs!" exclaimed the now paraplegic pharaoh.

How could his own high priest and his mistress betray him like this?

Well, he did cheat on his mistress a few times, and he had made fun of the high priest for being bald. Apparently he had a habit of shaving his head.

"And pretty soon, you won't be able to feel your head." remarked Imhotep.

"What?!" shouted the pharaoh.

Imhotep then proceeded to cut off Pharaoh Seti's head with his sword.

"You were in way over your head when you decided to make Anck Su Numan your personal trophy!" exclaimed Imhotep.

Anck Su Numan giggled.

It felt rather satisfying. Now he and Anck Su Numan could be together for as long as they wished, without having to worry about the pharaoh standing between them.

Of course, he had to commit murder so that they could be together...but he never liked the pharaoh anyway. He was so full of himself.

However, he now had a problem. How were he and Anck Su Numan going to get away with murder? They had just murdered the leader of an entire city. People weren't going to turn a blind eye to that.

It was only a matter of time before the Medjai investigated his death. They would no doubt interrogate everyone who was at the palace. And unfortunately, neither of them exactly had an ironclad alibi.

Unfortunately, they didn't have a lot of time to plan out their getaway.

Already, the Medjai were looking for the priest.

It seemed that they had detected something horrible had happened to him.

Fortunately, she had a plan...though it wasn't one that Imhotep would approve of.

"I'll commit suicide, then you go to Hamunapatra and resurrect me using the Book Of Dead!" instructed Anck Su Numan, pulling out the dagger that she had used to murder Pharaoh Seti I earlier.

However, Imhotep was understandably not thrilled about the idea.

He decided to advise against it.

"I'm going to wish I was dead if the pharaoh's bodyguards find out that I'm committing sacrilege! I'm probably already going to be beheaded for treason just like I beheaded the pharaoh!" exclaimed Imhotep.

"Only you can do it!" shouted the pharaoh's former mistress.

Anck Su Numan stabbed herself in the gut while Imhotep and his priest followers escaped from the castle.

imhotep let out a sigh.

Well, he might as well start setting the plan in motion. At least he still had his priests on his side even after all he did.

"I sure hope this plan works..." thought the priest. If it didn't, then he would have committed capital crimes for nothing.

Imhotep and his priests made their escape from the city of Thebes. Fortunately, the guards weren't able to find them.

Luckily, Anck Su Nam's crypt wasn't well-guarded. It seemed people weren't concerned if somebody decided to loot her grave, since she had murdered the pharaoh.

Beside her corpse there were four jars.

They were exactly what he needed to resurrect Imhotep.

Afterwards, they prepared to bring Anck Su Numan from the dead. In Imhotep's opinion, she was too sexy to die.

Fortunately, the Book of the Dead wasn't well-guarded, even though using it was forbidden.

However, when the guard noticed the book was gone, he suspected immediately who had stolen it. He too had heard about what happened to the pharaoh.

"Imhotep? Where are you? Maybe I should dress up like an attractive female..." spoke the guard.

However, their luck would eventually run out.

They then sneaked their way into Anck Su Numan's crypt, dug up her body, and took the canopic jars containing her organs.

However, Imhotep wasn't happy about picking up her corpse.

"This is really gross...I hope resurrecting her is worth it." noted Imhotep. Still, she was rather hot. He was lucky that a lady like her was attracted to him. If only she hadn't been already married. That would have made his life a lot easier, wouldn't it? He wouldn't have to do any grave robbing, that was for sure.

When they were finished with their grave robbing, they then made their way to the city of Hamunpatra. Imhotep then proceeded to steal the Book Of The Dead from its holy resting place. Fortunately, the guard happened to be sleeping.

"I wonder why they don't just use this book on the pharaoh. They all miss him, right?" inquired the high priest. Now that they thought of it, he wondered why the Book Of The Dead was kept a secret from the rest of the world.

Apparently, using the Book Of The Dead was considered sacrilege...but he didn't really see why. Some people were simply too young to die. Just look at Elvis Presley.

Well, he could ask questions later. For now, it was time for him to resurrect his lover.

Thankfully, he didn't need to perform a sacrifice. Anck Su Numan was only killed recently. Of course, one of his priests would have volunteered in order to do so.

But unfortunately for him, before the ritual could be completed, the pharaoh's bodyguards stormed in.

"Oh c'mon! Can't you at least let me finish my ritual?" asked Imhotep.

"Why don't we burn that book? It causes nothing but trouble..." said one of the Medjai.

They proceeded to seize Imhotep and his fellow priests. He had been SO close.

As Imhotep was carried away, he wondered how exactly they had managed to find him.

He came to a conclusion.

"Alright, which one of you told the pharaoh's bodyguards where to find us?!" bellowed Imhotep as they grabbed his arms. Someone must have ratted them out, but who?

"What can I say? You were depriving me of a real hot babe here..." answered Death, who was secretly one of the priests. He didn't want her to be restored to life, it seemed.

As punishment for using the Book Of The Dead for resurrection, the priests were sentenced to be mummified alive.

"Ah-ah-achoo!" exclaimed one of the priests as he sneezed his brains out.

"Gesundheit." said one of the pharaoh's bodyguards carrying out the deed.

As for Imhotep, for his role in the murder of the pharaoh (as well as using the Book Of The Dead in the first place), he was about to experience a curse so horrible that it had never before been bestowed.

"A curse so horrible that it had never before been-oh Osiris! This is going to suck!" shouted Imhotep, who was listening to the narrator the whole time.

"You have the nerve to use Osiris's name in vain after your sacrilege? That's it! We're cutting off your tongue!" bellowed one of the bodyguards.

"Not my tongue! I need that for licking girls with!" bellowed the high priest.

The bodyguard doing the deed rolled his eyes. Was that all he ever thought about?

After his tongue was severed, Imhotep was condemned to be wrapped up like a mummy, then buried alive. And since the Homdai granted Imhotep eternal life, he was going to be stuck in his crypt for a LONG time.

Incidentally, the bandages happened to be quite absorbent.

Which was good, because Imhotep had wet himself in the process of wrapping him up like a birthday present.

"I just wanted to eat the pharaoh's mistress!" exclaimed Imhotep. Was that too much to ask?

"Well, these scarabs definitely will eat you." answered one of the pharaoh's bodyguards as he opened a pot containing ravenous scarabs.

The scarabs proceeded to devour Imhotep's flesh.

"Aaaaaah!" screamed the doomed high priest as the scarabs bit into his skin. Why were those scarabs so hungry? And since when did they eat human flesh?

Well, he didn't really have time to think about those questions. He was going to be eaten alive over and over again.

Until the scarabs died off, anyway. They didn't have long life spans.

But by then, Imhotep would most likely be cuckoo crazy.

"Mmm...that flesh tastes good." remarked the scarabs in Bruce's voice. It tasted so sweet and buttery.

Imhotep would never be allowed to be released, for if he WERE to be released, he would arise a walking (sexually transmitted) disease, a plague upon mankind (but a gift to the ladies), an unholy flesh eater (and women eater), with the strength (and stamina) of ages, power over the sands (and women's hearts), and the glory of invincibility (as well as fertility).

Of course, after reading that, one would probably assume some schmuck WAS going to reawaken Imhotep. It's ironic how humanity would do something that would doom itself, now wouldn't it?

"Um, are you sure that we should really be giving this guy this curse?" inquired one of the gravediggers. There would be dire consequences for the world if Imhotep was ever brought back to life. And they likely couldn't keep him in that crypt forever.

"Just shut up and keep digging!" answered the other gravedigger.

The gravediggers proceeded to dig Imhotep's grave deep, deep underground.

"There. Now nobody will ever find it..." said the first of the gravediggers.

"Right?"

 _I thought it was appropriate for Anck Su Numan to cripple the pharaoh before killing him considering whose portraying him._

 _If I write a sequel, I think I'll probably have Rick's son be portrayed by Chris. It seems appropriate. Of course, I wonder who's going to portray the Scorpion King._

 _Eh, I'll probably think of something._

 _Let me know if you have any suggestions as to which Family Guy character should portray which Mummy character. Of course I had my share of ideas already._

 _I'm not going to resurrect the mummy just yet...that would make this fanfic a little too fast paced. For now why don't we focus on our protagonists? As well as the morons that are eventually going to open the chest containing the Book Of The Dead despite the warnings._

 _In the next chapter, our heroes are going to see if they can find the secrets of Hamunapatra. They probably shouldn't._


	2. Chapter 2: The Librarian

_Well, time for another chapter of this crossover fanfic._

 _This one takes place in a more modern setting._

 _Not as modern as Family Guy is though. It might feature the same characters but it takes place away from the United States. And Egypt is definitely bigger than Rhode Island.  
_

 _Oh, and I decided not to give Death a character to portray. Think of him as an original character. Well, sort of._

 _Coincidentally, Family Guy and the Mummy came out in the same year. Seems appropriate that I would make a crossover between the two._

 **Chapter 2: The Librarian**

Fortunately for the Medjai, they were able to keep the secret hidden within the city away from treasure hunters. Nowadays people seemed to have forgotten the story of how Imhotep had killed the pharaoh and attempted to use the Book of the Dead to bring his lover to life.

Why didn't they tell people about the mummy? Well, they figured that people would sleep better if they didn't know that something existed that could restart the ten Plagues of Egypt. And they were against the idea of using the Book of the Dead, anyway. Ancient law had forbidden its use, as they were offended that they might offend Anubis and his servant Death.

But as it turned out, they shouldn't take that for granted.

They always worried that someday Imhotep would be released.

And unbeknownst to them, that day would be very soon.

"Why did you sign up for the war again?" asked Beni (Ernie the Giant Chicken.) Personally he didn't feel like his companion was suited for the rage of war. He seemed to belong on a soapbox, not on the battlefield.

And speaking of soap, every now and then he would trip and injure his leg. He would take deep breaths and say "Ahh..." whenever that happened.

And yes, Beni was being played by a giant chicken. I hope I don't need to explain the joke.

"I wanted to be the greatest American hero!" exclaimed Rick O'Connell. (Peter Griffin.)

"If you wish to be the greatest American hero, why are we in Egypt?" inquired the chicken.

"I might not have thought things through." noted the fat soldier.

"Since when do you ever things through?" asked Beni. Last week he had brought a snow-coat to the desert.

Well, at least it wouldn't be hard to make a sand castle.

Alternatively, maybe he could be more creative and make a sand sculpture.

He decided to make a sand sculpture...

...of his butt.

The giant chicken rolled his eyes.

Peter chuckled nervously.

Sure enough, they were fighting the Medjai.

It seemed that people wished to know what they were hiding in the pyramid.

They had been guarding it for many, many years.

In fact, not even their leader knew the exact date.

But for some strange reason, none of them seemed willing to divulge any of their secrets, even after all this time.

They had decided to find out for themselves.

But they weren't accepting visitors.

One of them had mentioned something about a mummy.

Rick thought he was a mama's boy.

"You're on your own." said Beni.

Beni left the scene.

"Beni?" asked Rick.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Beni had abandoned him.

Did he make one too many chicken jokes?

He happened to like doing the chicken dance. According to Beni, chickens actually didn't dance like that.

But it was so fun that he simply couldn't help himself.

Not long after, he found himself surrounded by Medjei soldiers.

"We have you surrounded!" exclaimed Ardeth Bay (James Woods).

"I've got to find a way to get myself out of this..." spoke Rick.

Fortunately, he had an idea.

He decided to sing a song.

A song that he happened to enjoy.

"Bird bird bird! Bird bird bird's the word! Bird bird bird!" sang the soldier.

As soon as they realized what Rick was doing, the Medjai immediately panicked.

Ardeth Bay instructed his soldiers to cover their ears. It seemed that Rick had a powerful singing voice. Unfortunately, most of them _hadn't_ been deafened by the frequent gunfire.

Some of them were doing that already.

Peter quickly made a quick getaway.

For a moment, he thought he would escape.

But inevitably, he ended up injuring his leg on a rock.

He took deep breaths and gasped. Repeatedly.

Shortly afterwards, the Medjai came to pick him up.

 _Later, at the local library..._

As usual, Evylen (Lois Griffin) was doing work for her employer.

That employer happened to be Dr. Terence Bey (Adam West).

Working with him wasn't a bad experience, but she always felt as if he were hiding something from her.

"Remember to alphabetize everything!" exclaimed Dr. Terence Bey.

Evylen nodded.

Suddenly, her brother (Brian Griffin) approached her.

He mentioned that he had a special gift for her, even though it wasn't her birthday.

It also wasn't Christmas...though considering it hardly ever snowed in Cairo, people had a hard time telling WHEN it was Christmas if they didn't use a calendar.

"Look at what I found." said Brian.

Apparently he had managed to sniff out buried treasure.

"What is that?" asked Evylen.

"I stole it from some fat guy who got himself arrested by the Medjai." noted the dog. He used to laugh, but considering he was locked away, he was probably going to cry.

It seemed that he had messed with the wrong people.

Maybe if he weren't so fat, he would have been able to run away from them.

"The Medjai? I read a book about them. Seems that they've been protecting the city of Hamunapatra for centuries." said the skinny woman. Nobody knew for certain what it was that they were protecting.

"Ever wonder why they were guarding?" asked Brian. Maybe it was treasure.

Suddenly, Adam West butted in.

"Surely nothing that could threaten humanity! Nothing that could be the end of the world as we know it!"

"Dr. Bey?" asked Lois.

"I'll just be taking this now." said Dr. Bey.

"Why?" asked Brian. He didn't seem interested in looking for treasure. It seemed to the dog that he thought his library was filled with treasures.

Although, maybe if the rumors about there being a book in the city were true, perhaps it would be a great addition to his library.

"Whoops, I seem to have accidentally brushed a candle against the map!" exclaimed the man who may have been a mayor in an alternate reality.

The map caught on fire.

"Hey!" exclaimed the dog.

Fortunately, he managed to stamp it out.

He sighed in relief.

Evylen decided to examine the map curiously.

Rumor had it that there was a book somewhere.

People didn't seem to think much about it, but Evylen figured that it was an ancient book.

Maybe she should try reading from it.

Of course, if she had known what the book could do, she might have been more hesitant. But she believed books to be harmless unless you threw a hardback at somebody.

"Is it just me, or is the doctor acting awfully suspicious?" asked the white dog. He seemed to not want them to enter Hamunapatra for some reason. Was there a reason for that?

"Well, I did hear him mumble about there being a mummy in Hamunapatra once." acknowledged Evylen. They did call it the city of the dead, so why was it so special?

"By the way, I have to question why I'm a dog, yet I'm Evylen's brother..." noted Jon. Was their father a werewolf? He didn't howl to the moon at night.

Wouldn't Patrick Pewterschmidt work better? He was Lois's actual brother on the show.

But on the other hand, it seemed that Patrick had been disowned by his family.

It wasn't exactly just though. It was his mother's fault that he was the way he was. And yet ironically, she got angry whenever Carter decided to cheat on her.

"The author just thought you would be ideal for the role." said the librarian. Besides, Anubis happened to resemble a dog...though cats were associated with the underworld.

Jon shrugged. He might have had a point.

"I think we should pay Rick a visit...if only to apologize for stealing the map from him in the first place." noted Evylen.

"He's locked away by the Medjai. What use does he have for it?" questioned Jon, who shrugged.

Sure enough, when Evylen and Jon went to visit him, Rick was locked inside a cage.

He just so happened to be on Death Row.

Sure enough, Death was in the cage with him.

"To be honest, I'm surprised you're being executed instead of dying from a heart attack. When will you learn to eat in moderation?" asked the Grim Reaper.

"I like Twinkies!" exclaimed Rick.

Every now and then he would let out a fart, much to the annoyance of the guards.

They were starting to wonder if they should move up his execution date.

They could also try putting him in solitary, but that might increase the chance of him escaping. There wouldn't be so many people watching him.

Unfortunately for Rick, he was simply too fat to squeeze through the bars.

"What are you in for?" asked Evylen.

"Discovering the exact location of Hamunapatra." said the fat man. Where did he put that treasure map? He remembered having it when he went to pet that dog...who could talk for some strange reason.

"Really? I've always wanted to go there..." spoke the lady.

"Isn't that city haunted?" asked Jonathan.

"I'm sure it's just a story made by the superstitious...or by the Medjai themselves." noted Evylen. Although, if it were haunted, maybe the ghosts could provide information about ancient history.

Why did the Medjai continue to guard the city, anyway? Considering how long they had done so, they probably could have looted the city of all its treasures by now.

And yet, they haven't seemed to have done anything like that. Though the Medjai did seem to increase in number every day. Did they spend gold in order to buy more recruits?

What would be so bad about entering the city, anyway?

Unfortunately for the executioner, they were having a very hard time getting the noose around Rick's big head.

And it didn't help matters that Rick had a habit of farting.

"Ugh! I'm starting to question whether this job is worth it." noted the executioner.

"Do I have to die?" asked Rick. He couldn't perform more cutaway gags if he was dead.

"Just be glad that you aren't being mummified alive..." said Ardeth Bay.

"Mummified alive? Why would you do that?" inquired the fat man.

Fortunately, if Rick really was as dumb as Beni thought he was, pulling his brain out wouldn't be difficult...because it would be small.

"Let's just say that sometimes we feel we should get creative with capital punishment." said the man who for some strange reason resembled a famous actor.

Sometimes he wondered what would happened if they gave Imhotep a normal execution instead of forcing him to suffer a curse. But considering he was apparently lecherous perhaps cutting off his tongue wasn't such a bad idea.

As one could tell if they knew what exactly he was guarding, he had been reading the history books.

"Wait!" exclaimed Evylen.

"Hmm?" asked Ardeth. Was this woman a relative of his?

"What if I were to pay you 500 pounds not to kill him?" asked the woman.

Rick wished that Beni would do this for him.

But he didn't seem to be there to witness the execution.

Perhaps he was worried that the Medjai would noose him too.

Or maybe they would make chicken wings out of him. Maybe a chicken sandwich? One of the Medjai might be Colomel Sanders for all he knew about them.

Lucky for Evylen, she happened to be pretty rich...much like her modern day counterpart in Quahog.

The leader of the Medjai had to admit, that was a lot of money.

But he was still hesitant to accept the offer. 500 pounds didn't seem like risking the safety of the world over.

So, he decided to issue a warning.

"You do realize that going to Hamunapatra will only bring you misfortune, contrary to what the rumors claim, do you?" asked Ardeth.

"Maybe. But that doesn't mean you have to kill the person who found the map in the first place..." noted the tall woman.

He sighed. Perhaps she did have a point.

Still, he couldn't help but feel worried that they might discover the Book of the Dead.

Granted, normally the message of the curse scared people away from the chest, but he figured somebody would be stupid enough to open the chest and read from the book eventually.

To be honest, he wouldn't be surprised if Rick did that.

"Fine. There won't be an execution...for now." said Ardeth. Something told him that Rick would go snooping in the city later...and probably get killed by a booby trap for his trouble.

The executioner sighed in relief.

As they did so, the executioner took off their mask.

They then realized their mistake.

"Whoops!" exclaimed the executioner.

As it turned out, the executioner was being played by Meg.

"Can't I have a bigger role in this?" asked Meg. It didn't seem like it would be too much to ask.

"Shut up, Meg." answered Rick.

Afterwards, they decided to make an expedition to Hamunapatra.

Evylen was fascinated by the idea...unaware of the dark secrets that lay hidden within the city.

They didn't want to go at it alone, so they hired four men.

One of them was Mr. Burns, who was played by Mort Goldman.

Another was Dr. Allen Chamberlain, played by Francis Griffin.

Francis Griffin was deceased in Family Guy canon...but this wasn't canon to Family Guy so it didn't matter. And it would make sense if Peter would include him in his story, now wouldn't it?

The third one was Mr. Henderson, played by Cleveland Brown.

And yes, Mr. Henderson was being played by a black guy, even though Mr. Henderson himself was white. Luckily, Peter Griffin wasn't racist, so neither was the character he was portraying.

The last one was Mr. Daniels, who was portrayed by Bruce. And yes, he was prone to saying "Oh noooo!"

Dr. Allen Chamberlain wasn't exactly well-liked...but his knowledge of the Egyptian language would be very useful to the group.

Little did they know how badly the expedition would end for them.

But for now, they remained oblivious.

Unfortunately, Mr. Henderson accidentally dropped a nickel overboard.

"No no no no no!" exclaimed Mr. Henderson.

"It's no big deal!" shouted Mr. Burns.

"Easy for you to say. You're rich!" exclaimed Dr. Chamberlain.

"Just because I'm Jewish doesn't mean that I'm rich." answered the bespectacled man.

"For some strange reason I thought you were dead." noted Mr. Daniels to Chamberlain.

"What made you think that?" asked Dr. Chamberlain.

Mr. Daniel shrugged. Perhaps he had peeped into an alternate reality.

"I heard that in Hamunapatra there are scarabs that eat human flesh...ravenously. Seems to be their favorite food." spoke Jonathan. All that's left afterwards were the bones...which may or may not be something he would like to chew on.

Evylen remembered Ardeth telling her that misfortune would befall her if she stepped foot in the City of the Dead.

Perhaps there was another reason they called it the City of the Dead, aside from the fact that was where the dead were buried in the distant past.

Even so, she found the idea of flesh-eating scarabs to be absurd.

"That doesn't make any sense. Scarabs are scavengers." pointed out Evylen.

"Not these scarabs." answered Jon.

The ship to Hamunapatra sailed into the night.

But unbeknownst to them, they were being monitored by the Medjai.

They knew for a fact where that ship was headed.

"Should we sink the ship? There's a lot of passengers onboard..." noted one of the soldiers.

"It's for the greater good." said Ardeth Bay.

The soldier sighed.

"Very well." said the soldier.

 _Maybe someday I'll make a fanfic crossing Family Guy over with Indiana Jones. I do wonder who I'll make portray the villains though. I certainly won't be having Mort portray Toht...for obvious reasons._

 _You can probably guess why I chose Peter and Lois to be Rick and Evylen. You're probably surprised that I chose Quagmire to be the bad guy, huh? Well, when you stop and think about it, Imhotep seemed to become evil because he thought the Pharoah's wife was sexy. He loved her for more than her body, but I digress.  
_

 _You probably notice that Beni is different from his canon counterpart in this version. I figured it would be funny if Beni played the straight man to Rick's antics since Rick is being portrayed by Peter Griffin in this version._

 _Sound reasonable?_


End file.
